Reality Check

Whenever everything is seeming just okay, always make sure that reality doesn’t sneak up on you. Because when it does, sometimes it just hits you, and you wonder why you forgot about thinking about this and that.

I called my mom today, and we actually had a long talk on the phone, which made me really emotional. We discussed my weight, which I’m pretty close to 300 pounds at this point (give or take 25 pounds) but still close to it.

So, while it was highly emotional, and something that I didn’t even see coming, I can’t get mad at her, because she’s just doing it because she’s worried about me. I mean, she lives in New York, and I live in Oklahoma. I know that she just wants us (as in my other siblings) to live a long, healthy, and good life so we can be together for as long as we can be.

Though, as I type this up, it scares me that I could be killing myself, because I do want to live a long life, but when you get so wrapped up in daily things, you just forget about it. I do want to get married, settle down, and maybe have a child or forty dogs.

So I need to think about how my health can be affected, and I’m glad she said something, as I stated. I just didn’t think that I would get so emotional and teary about it. Which I guess just means that it is important to me as well.

When we disconnected, she was so worried that I would have been pissed, because like I stated in my last post, she did ride my butt about my weight a lot in my youth. But maybe because I’m more of an adult, I can see that she did that because she cares about me and she wants me to be healthy and happy. It’s not just about looking good and being a size 2 or whatever.

So, tomorrow I’m going to call her, and I think I may start weight watchers, because it’s worked for people I know and people that she knows. My friend Christine (the one I did the 5K with) is actually a member and said that she’ll take me to a meeting. Which I’m so thankful for, because I am worried that I won’t get along with other people and I know that it’s social anxiety speaking, but I know that I’m strong and confident when all of that negative melts away.

And it would be nice to actually slim down. I love the stores that I talked about in my last post, but I’ve always wanted to be thinner so I wouldn’t have to worry about shopping in the plus sized section. So maybe it’s time.

I finished my bachelor’s degree, and I’m in the process of applying for graduate programs, I can totally do this, and probably be great at it. Thus, my goal for starting (which may change in the future) is to lose one pound a week. And actually go the gym.

I think it will help because I know once the weight sheds off, I can probably see things more positive and look at the world in a cheery light, versus looking at something so negatively. Because, I’m human and I do that sometimes.

But I think I’m ready. I’ll update it further along, but if I can keep doing this by writing a post a day, then I can really do anything. It’s all about habit and routine. And why not do it while I’m still young before I really mess things up with my body?

Also, image is not mine, but any oceanic or mountain view is very pleasing to my eye, so sorry if it seems that I only like landscapes, but I think that the world is beautiful, even if some people are not.




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